In reading this weeks assignment it occurred to me that it would take a month in an Ashram to complete an integral assessment. What a treat that would be, a month of uninterrupted spiritual development with a wise guide, leading to elevated levels of consciousness which would in turn lead to an integral life. Reality check, instead I took Dacher’s advice and focused on one thing that is a source of difficulty in my life. I am not accustomed to sharing my personal realities with anyone, but as a therapy and for the greater good I will share with you.
A traumatic emotional experience occurred this week; one that had the physical effect of making me nauseous, heavy headed and teary eyed and kept me from a good night’s sleep. During the night I practiced the assessment and realized that the source of my pain was a lack of self-esteem. It seems that I had given this one person the power to determine my worth and he used the power to destroy it, if only in my perception. Further analysis revealed that I had relinquished this power many years ago and that I had immersed myself in giving to others that which I did not give to myself.
My first assessment then is in Interpersonal flourishing where I am currently functioning from the You having ignored the I. To redress I need to develop the emotional sector of the psychospiritual aspect, specifically moving towards stabilization of emotion by accepting myself. I will do this by continuing the contemplation specifically addressing my issues with self-esteem. I also need to find a support group, or even a trusted friend, to sound my thoughts. Perhaps if I open up a bit light will be able to enter.
The awareness gained through the contemplative practices in this class is ever reaching and life changing. I look to the day when I have the groundwork laid to move higher into worldly flourishing and share what I am learning.
Hi Gail, I am so glad that you have been able to look at your deep self and realize that you are the "captain of you own ship". I sounds like you are on the right path to finding this. You have already let a little light in by posting this blog. This is a start to finding your path to loving your inner self. In our reading this week they talked about how helping others can help you. I find this true, but it has to be something that you enjoy doing. Maybe this is something you could do, it gives you a sense of importance. It is a proud feeling to have helped someone. Best wishes to you.
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Gail- I am sorry to hear about your tramatic expierence I hope everything gets better for you just keep your head up and keep pushing forward as that will make you stronger. Great post!
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