Integral Assessment

In reading this weeks assignment it occurred to me that it would take a month in an Ashram to complete an integral assessment. What a treat that would be, a month of uninterrupted spiritual development with a wise guide, leading to elevated levels of consciousness which would in turn lead to an integral life. Reality check, instead I took Dacher’s advice and focused on one thing that is a source of difficulty in my life. I am not accustomed to sharing my personal realities with anyone, but as a therapy and for the greater good I will share with you.

A traumatic emotional experience occurred this week; one that had the physical effect of making me nauseous, heavy headed and teary eyed and kept me from a good night’s sleep. During the night I practiced the assessment and realized that the source of my pain was a lack of self-esteem. It seems that I had given this one person the power to determine my worth and he used the power to destroy it, if only in my perception. Further analysis revealed that I had relinquished this power many years ago and that I had immersed myself in giving to others that which I did not give to myself.

My first assessment then is in Interpersonal flourishing where I am currently functioning from the You having ignored the I. To redress I need to develop the emotional sector of the psychospiritual aspect, specifically moving towards stabilization of emotion by accepting myself. I will do this by continuing the contemplation specifically addressing my issues with self-esteem. I also need to find a support group, or even a trusted friend, to sound my thoughts. Perhaps if I open up a bit light will be able to enter.

The awareness gained through the contemplative practices in this class is ever reaching and life changing. I look to the day when I have the groundwork laid to move higher into worldly flourishing and share what I am learning.

When the power of love overcomes the love of power we will know peace

I was surprised to realize, in reaching the witnessing mind, that my thoughts are words. The longer I stayed in that state of consciousness the more fleeting the words. I thought about the post I am now making, I thought about Dacher. It occurred to me that thought process is necessary to plan, devise and accomplish tasks, but it can wait. I have not attained unity consciousness but I have been able to reach the calm-abiding state, which is as much nothing as I have experienced. Once I gave myself permission to reside in the calm-abiding state I was able to relax and enjoy the nothingness. I did find myself having images form in my mind, not identifiable, formed images but rather images of dancing light and color. In this state there was no emotion, frustration or otherwise. There was simply being.

Spiritual wellness as is expressed in mindfulness calms both the physical and the mind. I had an experience yesterday where my husband became angry and I watched as his body changed, the agitation manifested in his facial expressions. I could imagine his blood pressure rising, his stress response activated. I watched as he first turned angry words and emotions at me, then at the clerk who he then blamed, and finally at himself. After he calmed some I asked him to evaluate the source of his anger and watched again as it took hours for his body and mind to return to homeostasis. Spiritual wellness would have saved him the aggravation.

I saw a bumper sticker yesterday it read:
When the power of love overcomes the love of power we will know peace. The loving-kindness practice is focused with intentional purpose. It gives the mind a goal, something to do, replacing random thoughts with purpose. By contrast the purpose of the subtle mind exercise is to clear all thought and just be.

Mental Workout and Perception

Related to the concept of mental workout is Roger Walsh’s observation of the practices of essential spirituality in which he describes the nature of reality. Moving beyond our physical reality into the center of awareness within as a means to foster psychological health is the beginning of a mental workout. He states that “because of our immature states of mind, we do not perceive accurately”. To me this profound statement says it all. We live in a surreal world where perception is reality. We perceive stressors; we perceive injustices via people’s words and actions, we interpret through unconsciousness and worse we act and react unconsciously.  Changing our perception to one that penetrates beyond the physical senses (and the ego) will engender peace and harmony.

Dreams of Loving-Kindness

I disagree with Dacher’s equation of dreams as an extension of the ceaseless mental chatter of the mind; Carl Jung believed that dreams are an expression of the subconscious and that we should heed our dreams. My experience with the loving-kindness exercise is more in tune with Jung.

            The first few times I attempted the contemplation I was arrested in turning the loving kindness inward. It appears that it is easier for me to express loving kindness towards others than it is towards me. After two days I came to terms with this and immediately felt a release, and a smile that penetrated every cell in my body. Hey all, I am lovable!!!!

            Back to Jung. I completed my contemplation last night right before I went to bed, this time able to extend my love to my self-ostracized sister, and the greater circle. I fell asleep enveloped in peace. I do not usually remember dreams but this one was very vivid. In it I saw a person I called friend 35 years ago. So thoroughly had this woman betrayed me that I was threatened physically as well as emotionally and equally thoroughly I had so erased her from my life that I have not thought about her in 34 years. In my dream she quietly approached my stopped car and handed me a thermos, she turned and slowly walked away. In the thermos was a consoling soup.

            I take this experience as a message, either I have not forgiven her or she is seeking her own understanding and touching my reality by reaching into in my new found openness. In my waking loving-kindness experience this morning I made peace with this woman.

Relaxation Excersise

Why would anyone want to do drugs when they can journey to another state of consciousness through a relaxation exercise?  Chakra balancing always brings me a calm, centered and grounded state of peace. I particularly like the addition of surrounding myself with the white light at the end. This represents the aura, or electromagnetic field, which gets so ruffled during times of stress. In short the exercise left me relaxed, focused and balanced.

I don't know why this is called "The Crime of the Century", unless it is a crime to balance your chakras.

Unit 3 - The week that was

I would first like to apologize for posting so late, it is not my usual style. This has been an unusual week all around with first hand experience with medical professionals in hospitals, ER and the doctors office. I have gotten little sleep this week. I even took it in stride when my computer refused to boot; I packed it up and brought it for repair without as much as an emotional response.  I was able to maintain an even keel until late Friday afternoon realizing that I had turned in a B paper (also not my style) I felt frustration growing and anger building for no apparent reason. Needless to say my psychological well-being dropped from its normal level of 8 to a 6, which resulted in the snowball effect as my physical well being dove to the same level. In general I am physically well; I eat consciously, exercise regularly, and get an adequate amount of sleep. I am comfortable within my own skin psychologically and use many tools successfully to handle stress. This week I learned that when my scheduled comfort zone is interrupted by an all encompassing emergency everything goes out of whack.

            I interpret Dacher’s preparation phases to integral health as a spiritual development path, indeed I have practiced these phases for more than three years. Before this week I would have given my spiritual well being a grade of 9 but now I realize that if my spiritual well being, my level of consciousness, were a 9 the rest of my well being would not have been so adversely affected by the week’s events.

            The results: physical goal = get back to my regular sleeping, eating and exercise habits, Psychological goal= I really need a stronger support group, and Spiritual goal= Practice more calmness and stillness. To accomplish these goals I will take the time to care for myself, even under adverse conditions, call a friend when life gets overwhelming and remember to meditate.

            At this writing I am unable to "feel" the relaxation exercise ; I will get back to you on that.