Unit 10 - Seven weeks ago

What a difference a day makes, what a huge difference seven weeks of meditation and contemplative practice makes. A series of unfortunate events in week three resulted in score of 6 in my psychological well being, today I assess it at a high nine. I feel confident and secure, ready to face any challenge in my ongoing journey. In fact I am looking forward to regular meetings with the women’s group I joined. They provide an outlet for my thoughts and offer a difference in opinion that can only help me grow.

My physical well being is greatly improved by regular eating and sleeping habits, and ongoing yoga therapy. I am stronger today than I was seven weeks ago, and look forward to improving both my strength and stamina. Today I assign an 8 to this aspect of myself.

My spiritual well being can only be described as blossoming. I took a few days this week to do some primitive camping in the woods. Here I met the snake, the spider and the owl.

Walking though the woods I was immersed in my surroundings feeling one with nature, Perhaps a little proud of myself that I was in tuned I heard a light but distinctive rattle. Looking down I realized that I had stopped just inches away from the tail of a large snake, poised to strike no less. Giving him a wide berth I turned back to look at him, he in his defensive position I in my wonder. We stared. His message of don’t forget to look down not lost on me. I moved on. Later in the day I was blazing an un-walked path when I came within inches of a spider, at nose level. I stopped and listened, his message of don’t forget to look straight ahead impressed my mind. Later that evening, just before dusk, I heard the distinctive hoot of an owl. I looked into the trees. Finding his perch I moved closer and sat where we could look eye to eye. For several minutes I was absorbed in his dark eyes, he in mine, neither of us moving. His message don’t forget to look up.

I am learning to listen to life's lessons.

Unit 9 Final - Integral Health Plan

Integral Health Plan

            The concept of human flourishing encompasses more than just good health, more than just well-being. It speaks rather to a state of vibrant dynamic growth, a love of life and living, and a sustained happiness that reflects the interconnectedness of the self and the world and which results in the simple joy of being alive. Achieving human flourishing is within everyone’s reach and as a health care professional I can think of no better goal than to accept each interaction as an opportunity to share the gift of flourishing. To do so however requires the experience of flourishing in one’s own life. The path begins with developing the psychological, spiritual and physical aspects of the self; development of these aspects begins with an objective assessment of one’s current status followed by setting realistic goals designed to achieve “profound and enduring (integral) health, happiness (authentic), and wholeness (genuine)” (Dacher, p.3). To that end I begin with the objective assessment of the four aspects of integral health; Psychospiritual, Biological, Interpersonal, and Worldly.

THE ASSESSMENT:

            Psychospiritual

            As I look into the motivation for my actions I find that I have moved away from reaction, for the most part, and into acting through vision and values derived from my life’s experiences, culture and education. I am a logical, reasoning person who looks at a problem from the worldly perspective of balanced columns of pluses and minuses. I adopt a neutral emotional state and experience transient pleasure. I have often been characterized as being black and white, a linear thinker. While this has served me well over the years I recognize that I use this method as an attempt at control rather than to accept.

            I now realize that this view of the world is restrictive, that I am missing the subtleties that make each experience more than my worldly knowledge. Dacher explains that information is a means but that essential truth is a way (Dacher, 2006). In seeking essential truth, meaning and fulfillment the purpose of my life can be revealed and true sustained happiness experienced.

            Biological

            In evaluating my physical status I look at nutrition, exercise, disease prevention and health promotion.

            Nutrition: I began my path to wellness 5 years ago with evaluating and changing my eating habits. I am now mindful of my diet and make food choices based upon their nutritive content, mindful of caloric intake. I drink plenty of water daily. This has resulted in a healthy weight, BMI, and cholesterol levels. I make every attempt to spend my food dollar in consideration sustainable agricultural practices and humanly treated animals. But I do so at my convenience without making the extra effort needed to make a substantial difference.

            Exercise: Injuries sustained in a motorcycle accident two years ago have served well as an excuse not to exercise as much as I should. I am currently regaining strength and flexibility through therapeutic yoga three times a week, swimming and activities of daily living. I have not worked on strength and endurance or aerobic exercise since the accident.

            Disease Prevention: I am proactive with my health with regular physician visits, blood screenings, dental and eye exams. I know and watch my health indicators, comparing them to years past for fluctuations. Despite all of this, and knowing what I know, it amazes me that I still smoke and have been doing so for 37 years.

            Health Promotion:  I “listen” to my body and perform meditative scans frequently sending healing messages as needed. I do not accept stress as a rule and when it does occur I use breathing, walking or simple awareness to return my body to balance. I commune with nature as often as I can, enjoying fresh air and sun.

            Interpersonal

            This is a challenging area in which to remain objective. In reviewing my life I have always worked from the “you” perspective, putting everyone else’s needs before my own. Somehow pleasing others was a measure of my self worth. But after 54 years I became exhausted, the “you” attitude unsustainable because there was no “I” left in the equation. It has always been my philosophy to help the person standing before me, so I retreated from people, ostensibly to lick my perceived wounds, keeping only my immediate family and a single friend in my life.  I have been seeking to replenish myself for three years now and am making progress. Today I still struggle with finding my self worth without ego centered dependent relationships. Intellectually I know that self worth is loving-kindness within, in practice it is a work in process.

            Worldly

            I am filled with gratitude that I do not currently have to worry about survival, having adequate resources to maintain my preferred minimalistic lifestyle. My work is school and caring for my disabled husband, both of which provide some modicum of meaning and fulfillment but often leaves me empty, looking for true purpose. School will end, my husband will heal.

I am aware of community, national and global issues. I read publications, watch various news programs, and monitor the activities in my community. Yet, short of recycling and voting, I do not participate as an activist, volunteer, or teacher.

GOAL DEVELOPMENT:

            It would be unrealistic to develop all the goals needed to achieve integral health and human flourishing as these are constantly evolving. Based on the above assessment I have selected a specific goal in each area of my life, spiritual, psychological and physical, as a beginning point.

            Spiritual. I have come to consider spiritual development as the adhesive that binds the mind-body-spirit connection. As such I seek to develop awareness. By that I mean a discerning wisdom that allows me to see things as they really are rather than try to control and manipulate them to my perception of what it should be.

            Psychological. Constant fear of failure and rejection has motivated most of my adult life. This has driven me to be an over-achiever, never accepting second best as good enough, always looking for confirmation. My psychological goal then is to build self-esteem and self worth.

            Physical. It would of course make sense to select smoking cessation as a primary physical goal. But I am not yet prepared to do so. I am prepared to move my body beyond the maintenance level to include cardiovascular fitness and to build strength. By doing so I hope to realize the restrictions of COPD and build the desire to quit smoking.

PRACTICES FOR PERSONAL HEALTH:

            Dacher explains that integral practices should follow eight basic principles. They must have as their final aim the evolution of knowledge, capacity, and ability beyond what is now considered normal, be supported by inner development, be infused with aspirations of loving-kindness and virtue, be tailored to individual needs, that they require more than one helper or mentor and that we take responsibility for our own development, they must emphasize activities that are broad-based, simultaneously touching multiple aspects of life (Dacher, 2006). To that end I will adopt life-as-practice in achieving the above listed goals.

            Spiritual. Contemplative practice such as subtle mind, loving-kindness, and meditation will serve to develop awareness and self esteem. I will continue these practices daily and will further seek to enhance the practices by weekly contemplation in a natural setting. This will involve walking which will in turn connect the body to the mind-spirit practice. In addition I will actively seek teachers who can guide my path.

            Psychological. Ultimately I know that my self worth is the basis for my interactions with others. Learning to look at myself through my eyes rather than someone else’s and to stop trying to live up to what I perceive as someone’s expectations will require me to rejoin society. To that end I will participate in a women’s group I recently discovered which meets once a week. Here I will voice my honest opinions while exercising loving-kindness towards myself and others.

Further I believe it is time to participate in sharing my knowledge. Past experience tells me I have ability as a teacher. Two specific areas interest me and would be fulfilling; first to share my love of reading with those who have not experienced the joy and second to share my knowledge of nutrition with those who seek improved health. I will actively seek opportunities to teach in either or both areas.

            Physical.  Building physical strength and practicing aerobic exercise is yet another opportunity to remove myself from isolation. The yoga studio I belong to offers many different yoga practices which require more physical workout than the therapeutic practice I am currently involved with. I will increase intensity in my current program until I am able to begin aerobic activity. Yoga will also serve to enforce the mind-body connection.

Before the accident I was walking five miles a day, a meditative time for me. I will begin a walking practice again, working within my limitations and building to aerobic walking in time.

COMMITMENT:

            I selected the goals and practices listed because they were specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely. I have outlined the vision and practice which, when adopted, will lead to attainment. In assessing six month progress I will revisit the plan and ask the following questions:

            Have I continued contemplative practices daily including weekly nature practice?

            Have I experienced self loving-kindness?

            Am I comfortable in the women’s group?

            Am I teaching and sharing knowledge and experience?

            Are my muscles stronger? Do I have more stamina? Have I reached 10 minutes of             aerobic activity?

            I liken achieving these goals to taking steps towards human flourishing, a process as ongoing and changing as life itself. Long-term contemplative practice coupled with frequent assessment, reviewing and restructuring goals will serve to assist in maintaining health and wellness. Practicing loving-kindness, gratitude, mindfulness and most importantly sharing the gifts with others will bring me ever closer to happiness and wholeness.

Reference

Dacher, E. (2006). Integral Health: The Path to Human Flourishing. Laguna Beach, CA. Basic     Health Publications.

Unit 8 Be right with the world

Visualization is difficult for me. I find it soothing to take a mental walk through the woods, and it does distract me from my “normal” life and acts as a stress relief. But the e Subtle Mind exercise allows my mind to go into neutral zones where anything is possible and I can be objective about the visions that do dance by. I still practice loving-kindness and find that it has changed my attitude about the people I deal with. I am much more sensitive to their emotional states and feel genuine empathy towards them. I want to help.

Meditation is for me the ultimate. This is where I can focus intention on a specific and get clear awareness and answers.

Mindful practices have helped me separate what is important from what is tangential. For example I have discovered that it is far more important to listen to a friend in need than to stick to a schedule. The scheduled work will be there later, the friend may not. The loving-kindness exercise has helped me become more accepting of what I previously perceived as blatantly “unacceptable”.  The subtle mind exercise reminds me that I am a part of the whole, an important part but so is everybody and everything else.

Several weeks ago I mentioned my husband’s angry reaction at a store clerk for a perceived injustice, not getting a claim ticket for an item left for repair. Several days later the clerk called saying the item could not be repaired and that we should pick it up. When we got the store, an hour drive from our home, the item was not to be found. An hour of looking brought a red faced clerk to admit that he had given my husband’s item to another client by accident. Dumbfounded and reluctant to react in his normal tantrumic manner my husband turned to me and I said “it is what it is, everything happens for a reason, have them call us when they get the item back”. He took my advice. Several additional days later the clerk called and said he had retrieved the item and that it could be picked up. As we were leaving the store, item in hand, a man approached my husband saying “wow, I have been looking for one of those, is it for sale?” My husband answered that it was deemed not repairable by the repair tech. The man said “no matter, I have a guy … I’ll give you $175.00 for it”. The exchange was made. A smiling husband sat next to me in the car and said “when did I get so lucky?” I answered “when you are right with the world, the world is right with you”.

Unit 7 meeting your healer

I will be the first to admit that I am a linear thinker; logic and reasoning are sound means of addressing life. When asked to perform loving-kindness meditation I can easily envision the process, when asked to still my mind no problem but, ask me to envision a wise person and the mind goes through the process. “Have I ever met a wise person” followed by a parade of people I’ve met and who I find reason to disqualify. “OK, I’ll make someone up” and again the process begins “what does a wise person look like? …” After twenty minutes of this I decided that it doesn’t really matter because the healer Asclepius is within yet connected to the consciousness. So I met my healer.

The act of mindfulness and meditation has taught me to let go of the comfort zone of linear thinking and allow for the greater possibilities of the yet unknown but soon to be revealed. In the process of letting go I realize that it does not matter if I feel in control or not because control is a matter of perception, and perception is not the same as reality. For me this realization is a freeing of the spirit which allows me to be less judgmental and more open. I will continue to meet with my healer as often as I can to gain wisdom and be mindful of the  promised gifts.

I always find it disconcerting when I walked into a doctor’s office and am greeted by an unhealthy looking professional. It is like going to a personal trainer who is too out of shape to do the exercises s/he is prescribing for you. They can talk the talk but they certainly are not walking it. On the psychological level I can only relate to the fact that if you are not emotionally together you cannot be there 100% for anyone else, you are too caught up in your own problems to see beyond them. If you are not spiritual you certainly cannot recognize spirituality let alone encourage it in someone else. Above all else how can you lead someone where you have never been? Can a roadmap (book learning) replace experience? I do not believe that it can because experience involves multidimensional subjective aspects of life, the biological, interpersonal, worldly and psycho spiritual while book learning is one dimensional, objective and linear. I will continue to pursue Asclepius and follow where the process leads me. The only control I need is intention.

Integral Assessment

In reading this weeks assignment it occurred to me that it would take a month in an Ashram to complete an integral assessment. What a treat that would be, a month of uninterrupted spiritual development with a wise guide, leading to elevated levels of consciousness which would in turn lead to an integral life. Reality check, instead I took Dacher’s advice and focused on one thing that is a source of difficulty in my life. I am not accustomed to sharing my personal realities with anyone, but as a therapy and for the greater good I will share with you.

A traumatic emotional experience occurred this week; one that had the physical effect of making me nauseous, heavy headed and teary eyed and kept me from a good night’s sleep. During the night I practiced the assessment and realized that the source of my pain was a lack of self-esteem. It seems that I had given this one person the power to determine my worth and he used the power to destroy it, if only in my perception. Further analysis revealed that I had relinquished this power many years ago and that I had immersed myself in giving to others that which I did not give to myself.

My first assessment then is in Interpersonal flourishing where I am currently functioning from the You having ignored the I. To redress I need to develop the emotional sector of the psychospiritual aspect, specifically moving towards stabilization of emotion by accepting myself. I will do this by continuing the contemplation specifically addressing my issues with self-esteem. I also need to find a support group, or even a trusted friend, to sound my thoughts. Perhaps if I open up a bit light will be able to enter.

The awareness gained through the contemplative practices in this class is ever reaching and life changing. I look to the day when I have the groundwork laid to move higher into worldly flourishing and share what I am learning.

When the power of love overcomes the love of power we will know peace

I was surprised to realize, in reaching the witnessing mind, that my thoughts are words. The longer I stayed in that state of consciousness the more fleeting the words. I thought about the post I am now making, I thought about Dacher. It occurred to me that thought process is necessary to plan, devise and accomplish tasks, but it can wait. I have not attained unity consciousness but I have been able to reach the calm-abiding state, which is as much nothing as I have experienced. Once I gave myself permission to reside in the calm-abiding state I was able to relax and enjoy the nothingness. I did find myself having images form in my mind, not identifiable, formed images but rather images of dancing light and color. In this state there was no emotion, frustration or otherwise. There was simply being.

Spiritual wellness as is expressed in mindfulness calms both the physical and the mind. I had an experience yesterday where my husband became angry and I watched as his body changed, the agitation manifested in his facial expressions. I could imagine his blood pressure rising, his stress response activated. I watched as he first turned angry words and emotions at me, then at the clerk who he then blamed, and finally at himself. After he calmed some I asked him to evaluate the source of his anger and watched again as it took hours for his body and mind to return to homeostasis. Spiritual wellness would have saved him the aggravation.

I saw a bumper sticker yesterday it read:
When the power of love overcomes the love of power we will know peace. The loving-kindness practice is focused with intentional purpose. It gives the mind a goal, something to do, replacing random thoughts with purpose. By contrast the purpose of the subtle mind exercise is to clear all thought and just be.

Mental Workout and Perception

Related to the concept of mental workout is Roger Walsh’s observation of the practices of essential spirituality in which he describes the nature of reality. Moving beyond our physical reality into the center of awareness within as a means to foster psychological health is the beginning of a mental workout. He states that “because of our immature states of mind, we do not perceive accurately”. To me this profound statement says it all. We live in a surreal world where perception is reality. We perceive stressors; we perceive injustices via people’s words and actions, we interpret through unconsciousness and worse we act and react unconsciously.  Changing our perception to one that penetrates beyond the physical senses (and the ego) will engender peace and harmony.

Dreams of Loving-Kindness

I disagree with Dacher’s equation of dreams as an extension of the ceaseless mental chatter of the mind; Carl Jung believed that dreams are an expression of the subconscious and that we should heed our dreams. My experience with the loving-kindness exercise is more in tune with Jung.

            The first few times I attempted the contemplation I was arrested in turning the loving kindness inward. It appears that it is easier for me to express loving kindness towards others than it is towards me. After two days I came to terms with this and immediately felt a release, and a smile that penetrated every cell in my body. Hey all, I am lovable!!!!

            Back to Jung. I completed my contemplation last night right before I went to bed, this time able to extend my love to my self-ostracized sister, and the greater circle. I fell asleep enveloped in peace. I do not usually remember dreams but this one was very vivid. In it I saw a person I called friend 35 years ago. So thoroughly had this woman betrayed me that I was threatened physically as well as emotionally and equally thoroughly I had so erased her from my life that I have not thought about her in 34 years. In my dream she quietly approached my stopped car and handed me a thermos, she turned and slowly walked away. In the thermos was a consoling soup.

            I take this experience as a message, either I have not forgiven her or she is seeking her own understanding and touching my reality by reaching into in my new found openness. In my waking loving-kindness experience this morning I made peace with this woman.

Relaxation Excersise

Why would anyone want to do drugs when they can journey to another state of consciousness through a relaxation exercise?  Chakra balancing always brings me a calm, centered and grounded state of peace. I particularly like the addition of surrounding myself with the white light at the end. This represents the aura, or electromagnetic field, which gets so ruffled during times of stress. In short the exercise left me relaxed, focused and balanced.

I don't know why this is called "The Crime of the Century", unless it is a crime to balance your chakras.

Unit 3 - The week that was

I would first like to apologize for posting so late, it is not my usual style. This has been an unusual week all around with first hand experience with medical professionals in hospitals, ER and the doctors office. I have gotten little sleep this week. I even took it in stride when my computer refused to boot; I packed it up and brought it for repair without as much as an emotional response.  I was able to maintain an even keel until late Friday afternoon realizing that I had turned in a B paper (also not my style) I felt frustration growing and anger building for no apparent reason. Needless to say my psychological well-being dropped from its normal level of 8 to a 6, which resulted in the snowball effect as my physical well being dove to the same level. In general I am physically well; I eat consciously, exercise regularly, and get an adequate amount of sleep. I am comfortable within my own skin psychologically and use many tools successfully to handle stress. This week I learned that when my scheduled comfort zone is interrupted by an all encompassing emergency everything goes out of whack.

            I interpret Dacher’s preparation phases to integral health as a spiritual development path, indeed I have practiced these phases for more than three years. Before this week I would have given my spiritual well being a grade of 9 but now I realize that if my spiritual well being, my level of consciousness, were a 9 the rest of my well being would not have been so adversely affected by the week’s events.

            The results: physical goal = get back to my regular sleeping, eating and exercise habits, Psychological goal= I really need a stronger support group, and Spiritual goal= Practice more calmness and stillness. To accomplish these goals I will take the time to care for myself, even under adverse conditions, call a friend when life gets overwhelming and remember to meditate.

            At this writing I am unable to "feel" the relaxation exercise ; I will get back to you on that.

The rebellious mind

The rebellious ego mind does not always want to follow directions, constantly looking for distractions, analyzing, straying, and losing focus. Once “trained” to be still the experience of the mind/body meditation, Journey On, actually worked as I intuitively knew it would. Why is the mind so rebellious? Why is it so much easier to be skeptical rather than just allow the knowing to take over? Once my mind accepted its release from bondage, that it was ok to submit to the power of suggestion, I felt the heaviness and subsequent relaxation. Perhaps there is some sub-conscious self-preservation mechanism that blocks supplication to suggestion. It would be rather inconvenient to go through life responding to all suggestions thrown at us, wouldn’t it?